I recently resigned from my position as a practitioner teaching weekly intuitive healing meditation sessions. Wait –– Can you call it resigned if you’re not getting paid?
Like many healing arts teaching spaces –– live and online –– the practitioner is expected to bring their own clientele to the party, and the house gets a percentage of the session fee for the use of the platform. Sure, the owner of the space has a responsibility to market and promote the practitioners’ classes; but the onus is primarily on the practitioner to develop and maintain an ongoing participation base. Much like attorneys at a law firm: you manage your own client base and pay the firm a percentage for the use of their space and the prestige that comes with the firm’s name.
Girl, who knew?!
Not me, entirely anyway.
One thing to understand about me: I don’t really fuck with people too much. Never have. I don’t trust most of them. Perhaps it stems from an unsolved memory (picture) where not as many people as I had hoped, showed up for a backyard birthday party during early childhood. Either way, the older I get, and the more deeply I delve into my becoming in this spiritual realm –– I am realizing that it’s not the people in this dimension I don’t fuck with so much as we don’t speak the same language.
A half century later, and I am still figuring out how to be human. I have always been called weird, and I never really felt like I truly belonged or fit in anywhere –– even in my own family. The weird label used to sting a little, and now I wear it with honor. Who wants to be like the masses, anesthetized in a haze of booze, prescription drugs and reality TV in an effort to avoid feeling. I feel my feelings deeply, and that’s ok. In fact, it’s a good thing. Better feeling and getting it out as opposed to holding it in and creating dis-ease.
As such, drawing a “following” or accruing my own fanbase does not come naturally to me. Told you, I am still working that birthday party shit out. So week after week, with some moderate marketing on both my part and that of the platform owner, I grew tired of talking to an empty Zoom screen. I understand that businesses –– individual and collective –– take time to build. And I was patient. I stayed loyal to this owner, this mentor, through several false starts, hiccups, the transitioning of loved ones… Was it wrong to hope for, expect a modicum of reciprocity in the way of thinking outside the box in the way of marketing? When I submitted my letter informing her of my stepping away, it was met with silence… followed by a notification via email of deactivation to the teaching portal. Silence is certainly a response. Copy that.
Not sure what my ego was expecting. An inquiry about my departure, perhaps. If a practitioner abruptly left my practice, I would have questions…concerns even. Especially one that had been riding with me just shy of a decade. An abrupt exit email would certainly warrant initiating dialogue had I been on the receiving end. The operative word being “I”. There is a quote on my white board that reads, “stop expecting you from other people.” Fair enough, and still –– an “if everything was ok?” check-in is just the right damn thing to do. Unless of course, you were avoiding the answer. You would have to be in a secure space yourself and be ready for whatever answers were given, and or questions asked…
Questions like:
Why aren’t you leveraging your Hollywood connections (and white pretty privilege) to drive business as it has been suggeted? You are long enough in the tooth to know that if it works: Work what you need to work when you know it works.
You can be principled when it’s just Y-O-U.
This is Hollywood. On every corner there is a psychic meditation and yoga shoppe. Sometimes one in the same. People eat this shit up here. $10 a fucking class that YOU take a percentage of, while you are charging (and getting) hundreds, thousands and already have a client base?!
It is easy to be principled, and have analysis paralysis –– down to having the typography on your website ‘just so’ when you’re the only one LITERALLY eating.
Speaking of fan base…Isn’t it your responsibility as the owner and leader of a space, to support the various ways in which your practitioners best disseminate their gifts –– i.e. in person or online – especially since you are intuitive and literally clairvoyant? Then in turn create and foster an environment where everyone can flourish?!
I mentioned earlier that I don’t “people” well… except for when I do. The blah, blah, blah I shared earlier is part defense mechanism, if I am being honest. The truth is: Jehan means light of the world. My mama named me that for a reason. I am a light. Period. It’s a gift and a perceivable curse. You either love me or hate that you me. For some, this light shines too brightly. For others, they hate that I am mirror to what they most wish to remain hidden.
The older I got, the more I shrank when told I was doing “too much”.
Now say: If my light is too bright for you, go get some shades. And also: Go fuck yourself. That doesn’t mean I am absolved of any personal responsibility of assholery… It simply means, people be projecting in these streets. And you are an empath, highly sensitive people (HSPs), intuitive –– with most if not all the Clairs on maximum frequency a lot of the time: People, consciously or otherwise, resent those who can see ALL of them –– even and especially the parts they want to hide –– even from themselves. These people are also include (former) mentors as well. Which is why when cloaking one’s self in energetic protection becomes armour instead of routine maintenance –– it’s time to get the fuck on and away from, as my mother used to say: Silly shit.
You may be wondering why I didn’t ask the aforementioned questions to the owner directly. I did, in soft approaches. The inquiry about leveraging her Hollywood connections was met with blank stares and narrowed eyes, followed by a tight smile. Message received: This is my business, and I will do with as I see fit with it. If I wanted your opinion, I would ask. And even then, I am under no obligation to apply the suggestions offered.
And she would be right. Except it wasn’t just about her. She had a team under her charge for which she needed to make decisions based on what was good for the whole –– even if those choices were out of her comfort zone. A few more tight-lipped smiles and curt (cunt) responses on her end further confirmed the email departure was the best course of action before I caught a case. If you know, you know.
“When cloaking one’s self in energetic protection becomes armour instead of routine maintenance — it’s time to get the fuck on.”
Circling back to the empty Zoom screen. In between, I did a four-week UNPAID apprenticeship for her, leading up to a five-part group Teacher’s Training she was offering afterwards. I jumped at the chance because it allowed me to brush up on Intuitive Healing tools from a teaching perspective. After the apprenticeship sessions, we would recap a little. After the first session, I said I had notes and questions, and was met with a head jerk-back and a surprised, “Oh?!”
I knew then I was entering uncharted, unwelcome territory. I proceeded anyway, caution be damned. And that is when I was met with the blank stare, narrowed eyes and tight smile. I was always taught that you (and your business in this instance) are only as good as the people with whom you surround yourself with – who are hopefully smarter than you. I guess Miss Ma’am missed that day in the School of Life. Subsequent after talks, I shrank more and more as I realized my only job was to shut up and dribble –– or in this case be used for (more) unpaid labor.
Up Next in Part II: “Exit Stage Left (A Soul’s Graduation Story)”
When the Spirit Squad speaks, you listen. What happens when loyalty becomes a cage, and your multidimensional self starts ringing the bell for your next level? In Part II, I share the downloads, the tears, the guides, and the final straw that told me: it’s time to go. Not in rage—but in reverence. Because sometimes graduation doesn’t come with a cap and gown. It comes with a quiet knowing and a closed Zoom window.
💫 A Gentle Invitation Before You Go
What you just read might have stirred something. Maybe it cracked something open. Maybe it made you remember. Or maybe it was just… a lot.
If you’re open, I want to offer you a soft landing. A quick moment to call your energy home and bring your nervous system back to center.
Try this:
Close your eyes (if it’s safe). Drop your shoulders. Unclench your jaw.
Take a deep breath in… for 3 seconds.
Inhale what is yours.
Hold for 3 seconds.
Anchor into yourself.
Exhale for 3 seconds.
Release what is not yours to carry.
Place your hand on your chest or your belly.
Say, out loud or silently:
“I am here. I am safe. I return to myself now.”
“I call my energy back to me now—lovingly, gently, and fully.”
That’s it.
Take your time. Drink water. Stretch.
You’re back.
✨ Want to go deeper?
🔮 Book a Channeled Reading
If you’re ready to receive clarity, comfort, or next steps from your higher self and spirit guides.
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Jehan Cicely | www.awakenedasshole.com
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